I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
This is my gift to your gina
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
