So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I've blown a few things in my day
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
