Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
