Bisexual people are plain selfish.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
