Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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