i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
