dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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