They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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