and you said cock pushups were impossible
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
