my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
