do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
