1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
