you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
