You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I am spending my child support on dildos
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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