As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
