ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
