I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize