I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
