Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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