someone get that fucking seahorse.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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