why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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