This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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