yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
