her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
