Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
