ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
