We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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