I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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