u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
