I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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