He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize