Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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