Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
