why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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