Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
