I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
