I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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