Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you