The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.