How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.