You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.