It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.