I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
