i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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