how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
