Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
