I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
