That's intense
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
