i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
