non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
