I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
