we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
