When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
