Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
