Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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