While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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