I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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