Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
