8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
