My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
