you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
