I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
