I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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