I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
