: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
