Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
