thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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