And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
