Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
