I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
