well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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