Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
its liver damage thursday
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
