I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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