Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She is in my trunk
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
