I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
