So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
