put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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