Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
