Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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