Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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