My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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