even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
