they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
